if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
