No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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