The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
