Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
