Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
