ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
