Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
