my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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