We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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