can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
