The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
