If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
