I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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