Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
