had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
