Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
