Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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