I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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