They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
