the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
