help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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