you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
