I think i peed on brittanys purse
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize