the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
