I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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