I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
