I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
