Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
