U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
even my farts smell like vagina
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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