I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
