Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
