Your tits are I can't wait for
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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