I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
