I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
