dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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