im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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