small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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