Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
