WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
