it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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