I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
