youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm passing your future prison.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
