We need to rekindle our bromance
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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