so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
