I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry about my life...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
