I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
