When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
