Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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