and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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