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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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