I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
