For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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