mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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