I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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