Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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