What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
