I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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