I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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