I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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