i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
