so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
