after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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