Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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