Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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