Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
