The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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