so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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