Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
