Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
