I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
