It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
