Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
