Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
