I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
