If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
